To that totally swank bachelor pad we go
How to get there we just don't know
To that totally swank bachelor pad in the sky
Gotta get there but we don't know why

We left our home, our children and our wives!
To find a place where we could just be guys
Some beer in the fridge, a foostable in the back
Man this place is wiggety whack!

To that totally swank bachelor pad we go
How to get there we just don't know
To that totally swank bachelor pad in the sky
Gotta get there but we don't know why

We lost our faces to the dragon of texaco
We grew them back, That'll show that ol' mofo
We conquered france it really wasn't that hard
We feasted on beer spam and lard

To that totally swank bachelor pad we go
How to get there we just don't know
To that totally swank bachelor pad in the sky
Gotta get there but we don't know why

We ran out of money pretty darn quick!
So we took our stock and went pub-lic
We saw this other band, they were such tools
So we staged a takeover and fired those fools!

To that totally swank bachelor pad we go
How to get there we just don't know
To that totally swank bachelor pad in the sky
Gotta get there but we don't know why

We left our homes, our children, and our wives,
To find a place where we could just be guys!